What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 04:09
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Put me off passion for life!!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Is Trump the greatest spiritual leader since Jesus?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Do you think Japan will have same-sex marriage by 2030?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And i lived it daily.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
This is soul school!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I don,t even have a pension.
When was the first time you felt discriminated against because you were female?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Do very hot men ever feel attracted to an ugly woman? Why?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why did Britain steal Gibraltar from Spain?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
What did Chandrashekhar Azad say about Hinduism during a podcast?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
What did i know ?
What was it like being spanked as a kid?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The solar system as we know it may change forever - Notebookcheck
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Would this be the day?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So, i spoilt her more .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He knew the spot.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Comes on , in middle age.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Ive learnt so much.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I have no regrets .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I could never make a relationship work though!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She loved him until the end.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Who then, do I blame.?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I said to her
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It was going to be , some day.
Especially a lifetime of it.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She was in good health!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He resisted the act ,that day.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But it wasn’t much.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was seconnd youngest,
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
All the time i was locked up.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I will be 64.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My life is so biszare .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was very sick at this time too.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She found it foreign!.
My family never makes their pension either.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I waited trembling.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was scared of men, in general
I think the readers, may guess!
I write beautiful poetry .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She wouldn,t have been !
She married twice! .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im still living with it.
So whats the point in blame.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But, we were locked up after school.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We were not on the streets..
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why did i forgive my father ?
When she asked me how she looked .
We all went to grammer schools
I was 9 years of age.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.